Anyway I’m talking about Keri Hilson and baby girl is hot like fire

Her new CD In a Perfect World, is one of the tightest in 09 besides the new Yeah Yeah Yeah’s and Phoenix. I can’t stop listening to it partly because of the production mostly done by Timbaland and Polow da Don (Side Note: Polow da Don has been killing it in 09, producer of the year, Fire). But back to Ms. Keri baby, her voice is like a breath of fresh air and her range can go from soulful R&B to pop to grimy hood in one chorus. I guess what I’m trying to say is that almost eight years later the successor to Aaliyah throne has emerged. YEAH I SAID IT!

I’ve already played this song out

You want to see her grind that thing check out Turning me On
.

Like any female fashion trend goes here in DC, you know once you see it you’re going to have to put up with it for the next three years. That’s cool; I’ve learned to get used to it. I mean for four years we had to deal with the fabulous winter trend of girls wearing jean miniskirts, grey leggings and uggs. This fashion trend was bearable because it was followed by early 20 something girls (under 25). This target demographic tend to be poor, mostly followers, who read magazines like Allure and Elle. Lately though the leggings have become the winter fashion center of most girls in DC’s wordrobe. They now come in different colors and materials Nylon, cotton, faux denim and even Latex.

Again if you’re interested in talking to a younger woman in this city there are some things you should be ready to put up with. Leggings along with references to The City are among them. You go to certain hipster spots or clubs you can find this look. Personally I think it’s played out like the jerry curl, but I have that whole, “if everyone else is doing it…” mentality. To me it’s kind of stank, for some reason I get this mental image of a girl laying around all day in her grey cotton leggings, not showering or anything, then that night she gets a phone call from one of her girls and she decides to throw on a Jersey dress, a keffiyeh and a jacket and head out the door in the same leggings she was hangout in. Even worse is when I see fat chicks in leggings, for some reason I get the mental image of a vagina that smells like bacon. Then when she walks by me I get this look on my face where my nostrils flare up as if someone farted in a crowd.

(sniff sniff, bacon)

Anyways, like most stupid trends there’s only one official for sure way to determine it’s reached the breaking point and is now officially over. That is when old people/ grownups try to pull it off. Tell me why I was at my usual trendy lounge and I saw some woman who couldn’t have been a day younger than 34, wearing leggings, a flannel shirt and a belt. There was something a little sad about it and at the same time something that made me want to Chris Brown her in the face. Maybe it was the way she carried herself that night as if she was some kind of fashionista or something. Even though it was something Jenny Humphrey would wear to go take a dump in. I sighed in disgust, I hate when a woman doesn’t know how to dress like a woman but instead shops at forever 21 and wears clothes my baby sister would piss on. I never thought I’d be looking forward to summer which will bring muffin tops, jean miniskirts and flip flops.

I still love my DC girls

I can’t fight this feeling anymore, so I thought I’d come out of the closet and just admit it openly and honestly. I Virgle Kent have a huge slut crush on Lady Gaga. There I said it and I’m not ashamed. Yes, a 28 year old male has a crush on a pop sensation. To my credit I’ve had a huge history of slut crushes, that and let’s face it… I love sluts.

But my official slut love started back in my youff. And though Lady Gaga or Ms. Ga if you’re nasty seems fresh faced, we can link the in your face slut factor back to the ladies of hip hop that knew how to do it oh so good. I’m talking about Lill Kim, Evee Eve, and Trina. Now most of these hip hop slut crushes had street cred slutty pasts. Two of them where actual strippers before they became slut role models to young women, and the other one was the jump off for a big fat guy (they just made a movie about him, he’s Notorious).

(The ill nana)

(VK, why you don’t call me no more)

The thing I like about my slut crush is her slutty sexuality is out and in the open for everyone to see, like what. She owns it like a champ and it comes of as a natural slutty vibe. Often performing in slutty clothes (two piece or a leotard) and singing slutty songs about getting hit in the face with a cock, Ms. Ga let’s the public know it’s cool to be a slut. But the thing is it’s not some gimmick to sell records, she might actually have Hep C or any other VD. You could easily see her in a European gang bang no problem.

(Paris:OMG how did you get your hair to stand up like that! Gaga: Chlamydia)

But for serious I think she’s actually talented, her songs are catchy as hell and I’d pay to see her perform… that’s saying a hell of a lot. She’s like the younger American version of Kylie Minogue

Future Slut crush creeping on the come up…. Amanda Blank… raunchy as hell

I was 18 when I got my first tattoo. As embarrassing as it is to admit most of the tattoos on my body have something to do with women that are or have been in my life. Don’t get it twisted, one is for the first girl I said I love you to and the others are for family. I’m not addicted to tattoos or anything and in a weird way I think there is such a thing as too much. I’m more concerned with proper spacing and keeping with a theme. Yeah weezy I’m looking atcha

(I love this pic at Tattoo)

But turning 28 making it ten years since my first one, it seemed right to get another one. For some reason it seemed that the universe was sending me signals it was time to tatt up again. First this, then my birthday rocked out at Tattoo bar, and on top of that I’ve had the idea of getting once since my grandparents (grandmother) in particular passed earlier on in the year. That’s the thing about getting them that lets you know you’re going to get one. When getting another one stays on your mind for months and months. The theme of life and death, and how it all seems to come and go so fast seemed to be prevalent to me in 2008.

(fellow Jack lover)

On a Thursday night after work, I changed into jeans, a grimy white T, and a blue hoodie. I had a already made a reservation at Jinx Proof in Georgetown where six years earlier I spent $450 and five hours getting a Japanese dragon torn into my back. This time my youngest sister joined me because she was investigating pricing on a piece she wanted to get that Saturday on her ribcage. At 20 the little bia already has three to my five.

I came in and already had the type of skull picked out with the phrase I wanted around it. I’d done my research on the internet and felt comfortable with my pick. After showing me the cut out, I made some critiques and it took another 35 minutes for them to correct it just so. Now the skull was facing inward. I was told that my sister couldn’t come with me to watch because no one besides the person getting tatted was allowed in the back. This was a surprise since my ex girlfriend came with me six years ago. Whatever

My artist was Karl. He was a cool cat, a redhead wearing long shorts and a flannel long sleeve shirt. With ink coming up around his neck and on his hands you could tell he takes this shit seriously. He’s been inking people for ten years. He rubbed some soapy liquid over the area where the tattoo would go then shaved the little moob hair I had. He placed the design on my chest then took off the paper and let me check it out in the mirror for my approval. Once I decided it was righteous, I laid down, took a deep breath, and it began.

There’s that brief moment when the needle hasn’t touched your skin yet, because after it does there’s no turning back. When you think about it, only a masochist would go through with needle and ink ripping across their flesh. I’m not going to front, it hurt. The lettering not as much but once he got to the skull and shading it seemed to take forever. Karl was nice and kept trying to carry a conversation with me, get to know me. Probably trying to keep my mind off of the pain. Unfortunately he might not have noticed I was being tortured at his hands at the moment. Eventually we stopped talking and I just let my mind wonder. All and all it took an hour and a half. This time it cost $300, for an hour and a half, damn the economy is bad.

The worst part of getting a new tattoo is after the work is done. My chest felt like it was on fire (for 24hours). For the next week I could only sleep on my back, if I slept at all. On top of that my chest broke out in hives. Despite what rumors are on the interweb, I don’t shave my chest… with a razor. So I wasn’t aware that Karl’s man scape of my moob would result in what looked like a Chlamydia outbreak. With the redness and the boils on my chest it looked like I had gotten a tattoo of the Red Skull from the Captain America comics (that is not the look I was going for but do realize while writing this post that’s what it looks like). Great my geeky Jewish friends will love that. Oh I don’t have any. Don’t even get me started on how bad the tattoo itched. For the next week I was in hell, it took everything not to scratch at the new artwork or light a blowtorch and burn it off. In fact the blow torch is exactly how it felt to get the damn thing. The cycle of masochism continues.

If you’ve never gotten a tattoo the act of doing so is about a two week process of pain, sacrifice, and hell. Go hard or go home. But in the end, like all my other tattoos, I like it and that’s all the really counts.

I was at some media party last Wednesday at Club Park with a James Bond Casino theme. The place was filled with your typical DC wanna be movers and shakers and so called socialites. 90% of the guys were wearing suits and ties and the same amount of women were wearing fancy dresses. My wingman who wasn’t dressed up asked how do you stand out when every guy in the room is wearing a suit. I was in a dark suit and a purple tie and I pointed to my white pocket square. I told him to find another guy in the room wearing one in his suit or tuxedo jacket. He couldn’t find one, ONE among all these media and magazine elite.

There you have it, the way to stand out in a suit comes down to the attention in detail you pay putting the suit together to go out. If you’re the type of guy who thinks the only optional thing about a suit is the color of the tie then you are one not grown enough to be wearing said suit. Besides tie/shirt combo, cufflink/watch, Tie bar, tie clip, and even tailoring. There are plenty of ways to add details to your suit that make them all your own. But the easiest way to make yourself stand out in a suit is to add a white pocket square. Amazingly I’ve found this one accessory will get you more compliments than anything else you wear with your suit. Why because in DC nobody else does it.

I started last year when I bought my khaki suit. At first the suit felt extremely boring with just a white oxford on. The square made the suit seem brighter and balanced and if I chose to put a youngster flip and wear white converse or throwback Adidas even better. Since then I found myself reaching for it with every sport jacket or suit I wore. I just didn’t feel complete without it. I liked how it had the power to take my old suits to the next level and seem brand new.

(they used to do this all day everyday)

Now I know it can get intimidating when you think about how you’re going to fold your square. Don’t make it complicated, it’s not an origami project, here are some simple instructions. Now the secret is when you get the square just how you want it, iron with starch on the edges. Then use two or three white note cards and place inside the square. This will help keep the square frame well into your forth Jack and coke when things start to get messy.

Look with the Holidays and New Years right around the corner you’re most likely going to have to dress up for one occasion or another. Company Christmas party, New Year’s Eve, some charity ball for kids burned in a fire. Who knows? I do know this even if you have 50 bucks in your pocket and you’re wearing a cheap suit, you add a pocket square and you’ll look and feel like a million. At the very least you don’t want some bald headed douche drinking in the corner and frowning down upon you for your lack of a square. That’s all for now, one day we’ll talk about cufflinks and minimalism, gentlemen dismissed.

(just the tip)

P.S I don’t care if there’s a hot supermodel with a bloody nose bleeding all over the place begging for something to clean up with. We never ever offer the square for use, it’s that serious. Ewwww, I mean what does it look like it’s there for, actual practical use? You’ve got to give her the “tough luck babe” look and tell her you don’t have a square to spare

I was watching the perfect girlfriend (personality wise, not sexually) Rachel Maddow the other night interview David Frum. She was originally going to discuss Frum’s criticism of the McCain campaign when all of a sudden Frum took this as an oppurtunity to flip the script and claim that Rachel’s show was part of the problem with the politics in this country. Long story short, Frum tried to argue that Rachel making jokes was the same thing as people yelling, “kill him” at Republican rallies.

First of all someone invites him on their program to discuss one issue you don’t try to make a swipe at them when they’re the one giving you air time. But what’s really real is the fact that this beta douche bag wouldn’t talk this shit to Olbermann and no way he’d say it to O’Reilly. But he tried to go hard at my liberal lesbo because she’s girl. He must not have checked Maddow’s police record, for all the “jokes” she makes home girl received a Ph.D from Oxford and can more than hold their own. Not only did dude come of looking like twatwaffle he ended up getting body slammed.

I honestly can’t believe the level of sexism that goes on in politics. Seriously it’s just insane how men can’t seem to look past females in politics as T&A and a mouth. I really should do more to bring attention to the situation. Anyway, with that said is anyone else half as excited as I am about Hustler’s “Who’s Nailin Paylin” porn getting ready to drop.

Holy shit, this is history in the making you betcha! Seriously, I stocked up on tube socks and Johnson & Johnson baby lotion for my sensitive foreskin. This might be the most defining porn of a generation the “Behind the Green Door”, the Debbie Does Dallas aka 3D of the 2000’s. This movie might actually have it all. The story of a MILF who has to “work” her way up the political ladder, Russians, a mother daughter sex scene, hell they might even get extra freaky and bring a moose into the mix (Moose creampie)

I’m calling it right now that when this comes out, Lisa Ann will be a house hold name by 2009. This is the cross over hit every little girl who goes to Hollywood to become an actress but realizes she has no talent and to make rent has to succumb to the world of porn. But if she sticks to it, follows her heart, tries really hard, participates in an interracial gang bang or two and never gives up. One day the perfect role will come to her. I have been a fan of Lisa Ann’s work with the Brazzers series. She’s natural for the part.

(Cum with me if you want to live) (Bringing out the big guns)

(so you can see Russia? Can you see D’s nuts)

“Everyone is a little gay why can’t she be a little straight”

It is with this thought in my head that I come out and officially proclaim my crush/love for Rachel Maddow and congratulate her on getting her own show slot at 9 on MSNBC. My crush/obsession on/with Rachel started as most do, I would get little butterflies of happiness when she made regular appearances on different MSNBC shows. It quickly grew when she took over hosting duties on Countdown while Olbermann was on vacation during the summer. She killed the show bring as much energy and enthusiasm as Olbermann did, her Murdoch impersonation could use some work.

Ray Ray as I like to call her just seems like an intelligent easy going down to earth chick that doesn’t let anything bother or get her down. The kind of girl you could have a drink with and because of her extensive knowledge of the female anatomy she’d make the perfect wingwoman to hit the lounge with. We could also chill, watch The L Word (two L references in a row ) and comment on the depth of Bette and Tina’s relationship now that they’re back together and witch couple has the best sex (Bette and Tina vs Shane and the world). I know I crush on her because I could never have her. I’d secretly wait for her to see me, the real me, the boy who cries on the inside when fireflies die (wait what).

(No one on the corner got swagger like us)

I love the fact that Ray Ray can be seen as the adopted little sister of Olbermann (MSNBC Wonderboy), a “shelbermann” if you will. She’s quickly mastering the art of using snarky, hilarious commentary to point out the hypocrisy and undeserved self riotousness of the right. If you don’t believe me you should see the geriatric abuse she gives Pat Buchanan when they debate issues. Often times leaving poor Pat confused and ridiculed at the same time while reminding him of his irrelevance as the out of touch Republican. It’s like Pat just figured out he’s the fat chick whose skinny friends keep her around to make themselves feel better and remind themselves life could be worse… they could be her/Pat. On top of that they all have a secret night they hangout and don’t invite her when they feel like picking up really hot boys but not babysitting her.

Giving Maddow her own show was a smart move by MSNBC aka “The C” aka “Murder Left” in rounding out the 7pm-10spot. Chris Matthews is like that old timer at your job who keeps a bottle of scotch at the bottom of his desk and after 2 the interns can smell it on his breath as he leans in way too close. The only reason he hasn’t been fired yet is because of his vast knowledge of political history (when he’s not poon hunting at work) and every now and then he shows some fight. I dare you to argue with him over Nazi appeasement and see what happens, I dare you!!!! Olbermann is the Don Draper of the group who’s, “swagger is Mick Jagger” because he’s single handedly turned the network around and boosted ratings.

If Ray Ray is to follow in her big bro’s shoes then she’s got to pick an enemy at Fox News and declare a jihad on them. Olbermann continually owns Bill O’Reilly on a nightly basis. It’s only right that Maddow goes after Sean Hannity who in my humble opinion needs to eat a heaping spoon full of rice and dick. Rachel if you’re reading this call me… let’s talk strategy.

Sometimes when you own a blog you’re going to write things you already know most of your readers won’t really care about. So excuse me for a minute, if I could say my personal piece here.

I would like to personally take this time out to call it and congratulate one of my favorite rappers out, Lil Wayne for selling 1,005,545 copies of Tha Carter 3, IN ONE WEEK!!! That’s MAJOR! For the first eight years of his career Wayne was a student of the game then when he was ready he declared himself “the greatest rapper alive” he decided to go at one of my personal heroes, Jay Z, for the hip hop crown.

He then went on to create a Machiavellian type plan of ascension that can almost be broken down into a formula for success in any field.

At his first attempt he was denied by DJ Kay Slay on Slay’s Street sweeper mix tape, when Slay said Wayne wasn’t even good enough to go at Jay Z. This was back in 06. One can almost point to this as the moment Wayne declared war on hip hop and decided to murder every and any track out. I mean ANY, it didn’t matter who the artist was he hijacked the track, freestyled on it, and leaked it on the internet. Often times the remix track was better than the original.

He then went on to collaborate with EVERYBODY. Not only within hip hop but expanding to R&B and not stopping there eventually pop and top forty music. I’m serious when I say everybody, I swear to God there is a Kenny Chesney, Lil Wayne track out there somewhere. Fuck selling out or crossing over, dude went extraterrestrial. He lived in the studio and was rumored to have recorded over 200 tracks in two years. On top of this he’s been taking college classes, and taught himself how to play the guitar (badly). Experimenting with different styles and subject matter. Because of this expansion out of hip hop his pop hit “Lollipop” has been #1 for the past several weeks

This was an internet grass roots operation stolen right out of Obama’s playbook

Take a look at this video of Wayne in the studio back in April 07. The guy works so hard that even when he’s just trying to talk… he’s rapping…. he can’t turn it off. But what he says is so true story it’s funny and not even funny at the same time.

(Caution… LANGUAGE) (This man does work)

When word of his undeniable lyrical talent peaked underground, when his mainstream exposure crossed all genus to the point that every artist demanded that Wayne chip in a verse on whatever song they had coming out. Guess who asked him to be on their “for real, for real” comeback album American Gangster? That’s right Jay Z. He also made an appearance on the number one hip hop album last year for Kanye West. With this Arthurian moment taking place Tha Carter III was guaranteed to move units.

To me the reason I admire Wayne and the reason he can not be denied is he’s figured out what it takes to be truly great in hip hop and music. STAY HUNGRY, never be satisfied or rest on your current success. From 50 cent to Fall Out Boy to Maroon 5 artist get so much underground hype and build a strong following. Then their first album sells millions and on it they sound raw, edgy, and hungry for success. By the time their second album comes out they believe their own hype based on the success of the first album the artist doesn’t even bother to explore anything new or push beyond their own limit. But even though Wayne is a millionaire, every track he spits on he sounds like he has $2 in his pocket and if he doesn’t kill this last track his kids wont eat. THAT IS THE MENTALITY THE GREAT ONES HAVE.

So to sum VK’s rules to domination

Do not let nay sayers slow you down
If you take something that’s been done before, do it better
Don’t pigeon hold yourself make contacts outside of your circle and expand past your comfort zone or field.
Flood the market with your shit
Work hard, try new things, never stop learning because the truest master of their crafts are pupils for life
Never be satisfied with your success or accomplishment
Remember the people who got you there

(Dude is so fucked up on Weed and Codeine) (Again LANGUAGE)

Are you serious, dude is already talking about Tha Carter IV

Song1: A milli of Tha Carter III

Song 2: Unreleased, Best Rapper Alive…….. you’re welcome