Category: 
We jump in a cab and this is when we meet John our crazy cabbie. This guy starts chatting us up talking about all the strip clubs he can get us in for free, where to go blah blah blah. But the dude was funny as hell. He’d say stuff like, “yeah what you want to do is meet a bitch at the club, go back to her place bang her there and that way you get one over on her” The conversation was funnier than that though cause every word about hooking up with a chick was bitch this and bitch that and all the crazy stories a man can have from being a cabbie in Vegas. The Rookie and I decide to go to Hard Rock circle bar for some afternoon drinks.
Again the Hard Rock circle bar is freaking dead and it takes me a while to remember that the Hard Rock was the spot last time I was here because it was Memorial Day weekend and EVERYPLACE was packed. The crazy cabbie was a cool dude and gave us his number so we call him to pick us up and take us to a strip club to waste some time.
He took us to O G’s and told us how it was the spot and how the strippers would show us love since it was really slow. We pulled up and he handed us a 20 and said to use it to get in (they’d charge us 10 each) but the thing is they’d pay him 40 and he didn’t charge us for bringing us there. This guy was mad cool. Once in the place was pretty dead, looked like some regulars and that’s it. These were straight “Busted ass Daytona stripper” . Now it should be mentioned that I usually don’t like strip joints and I really don’t like paying for lap dances, it’s like paying someone to give you blue balls when you can go to Tom Tom’s in Adams Morgan and get way more slutty action…. But I digress. So we sit down and this blond haired Cali chick that went by Katiana sat down said hello and immediately asked if I wanted a lap dance. I was like I just got here and got my first drink maybe later. She had a phat ass but like 11 year old’s underdeveloped boobs (please don’t get into what I know about 11 year ah never mind). I thought she’d leave but she sat there and started talking.
Finally she was called up to the stage and the second dumbest dance The Rookie and I would see there. She came back and was like, “what about that dance”. I said fine and paid her $20 for a song and to make my penis shrivel (worst lap dance ever). I should have gave her 20 to go the fuck away. After another girl came up trying to talk and said her name was “For lease” hardy har har… This was getting stupid. We called CC and dipped.
On the way back to the crib, Caby asked how was it and we told him it sucked. He felt bad and started asking what are plans were for the night. We told him probably hit up a club or two, maybe Body English then the after hours spot Drais. This is when he told us about The Swingers party. He was like, “Dudes, guy who look as good looking as you two WILL NOT have a problem scoring”. All the women would be about us… blah blah blah. This caught our attention but we were a little skeptical. He’s like, “Dude’s, it’s extra legit, you show up and if you’re good looking they let you in but charge $30 for single guys. But here’s the good part, you can bring your own handle and they’ll leave it behind the bar and make you guys drinks all night, so you don’t have to buy drinks there” The Rookie and I were like maybe and at that point still leaning towards the club. We get home nap out wake up and get ready.
Our official Vegas Anthem!!!!! And it’s so True
*
That night your boys were looking extra krispy. I’m talking cooler than the other side of the pillow. Last night in town fuck it, we got to represent D.M.V and stand the fuck out. I’m rocking an extra white cotton blazer, extra medium plain black V neck T, Rock and Republic jeans and topping it al off with a black silk pocket square. Rookie is wearing nice jeans, dark brown dress boots, a dark button up and a pin stripped blue blazer. We looked at each other and said fuck it, let’s just go to this swinger’s party to “see” what it was about.
Crazy cabbie picks us up and we tell him let’s do it and he’s like you guys are about to have the wildest night of your life looking that good (no homo). So he drives us about 30 minutes away from the strip and we pull up in this neighborhood filled with mansion. He points to the house, gives us final instructions, “don’t use your cell phones, whatever you see don’t take open pictures”. And we walk into (redacted). As soon as we enter……
This portion of the story has been “redacted” due to being G.A.F (Grimy As Fuck). Things that were seen and done are two disturbing for words and would scar readers for life.
Three hours later we decide to leave (redacted). We’re in total traumatic shock of what we’ve just been through. The Crazy Cabbie asks us about how it was and we tell him. We then stay quiet and barely speak or look at each other on our ways to Drais the famous Vegas after hours club. Apparently this place was mad shady back in the day, it’s the spot where strippers, showgirls, dealers, bartenders, people that work the local Vegas world go. Back in the day it used to be a huge coke and ecstasy den.
We show up and I swear to god wait for 45 minutes to get in. Nine different doormen come up to us asking if we want to buy a table. I’m like, “nah, it’s just my boy and I”. Of course they were letting nothing but lines and lines of hot girls in. and of course guys buying tables. Finally we get in and the main door guy is pretty cool to us, he gives us two stamps on our hands.
We paid $40 and later found out one of the stamps was for the VIP room. We shake the grime of (redacted) off and get our heads back into the game. The place is off the hook! Lush, red rooms, beautiful women. I feel a sudden rush and need to start kicking game ASAP. I go up to two girls thinking they might be Russian and it turns out that they’re French Canadians… ewwww. And one is there with her boyfriend. I play it all cool and the gang talk up the dude and all of a sudden he’s buying us a round of shot. The Rookie begins chatting up this sexy brunette standing by herself . He walks over and drops a dope line and I see her smile and talk back.
Seeing he’s in good hands I catch eyes with this little blond joint standing by herself waiting for a drink. First thing i noticed where her deep dimples and high cheek bones. Second was her tiggs, so game on. I walk up and ask her if there is any chance she’s Eastern European ? She smiles and says she’s Polish. I tell her that’s great because Eastern European women love me, it’s a scientific fact! She laughs and I tell her my name. Go through the typical Vegas questions and it turns out she lives and moved there a year ago from Chicago . I buy her a drink (it’s Vegas you’re allowed to trick). And it clear she’s caught the Vapors. I grab her hand and lead her to the VIP room which she couldn’t get into.
(hottest chick in da club)
We dance and then she makes us go back out to find her friend/ roommate. I was slightly hesitant sensing a cock block coming on. But agree and we go find the girl, another Polish chick, and I bring them both to VIP. While in VIP she spot a dude she was talking to earlier and he’s trying to hit and invites us all over to his table to drink. At this point my little Polish chick is bund up for the night with me, it’s so on it’s on. We end up leaving the club around 7 AM, the sun is up.
(after the party is the after party
All four of us Table dude and the Polish chick drive to their crib. In this gated Mansion community. By the way the Polish chick is in real estate and is pretty loaded for her age. This chicks got a pool table, swimming pool and a hot tub. She opens up a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue and makes us all drinks…. At around 8AM. She then changes into her Vegas every girl swimwear (Ed Hardy bikini) and dude and I strip down to our boxers and jump into the pool. I had to keep drink cause I was attempting to get the (reverse whisky dick) . We swim and drink Blue for a few. Then dude and his girl disappear upstairs and me and little Poland decide it’s bed time. The Johnny Blue kicks in and I swear to God I broke a 48 hour personal record.
(drinks for days)
(Ed Hardy & side boob)
It was Sunday and still had the Rehab pool party to go to… if I could make it there on time. This is Vegas, This is what my life has become
“Ha, rock star lifestyle might don’t make it
Living life high everyday click wasted
Sipping on purple stuff rolling up stanky
Wake up in the morning 10 clock dranking”
* Vegas Anthem= My Dick by Mickey Avalon