Category: 
For a while there Hollywood was getting it all wrong. After the success of Gladiator, ancient Greek/ Roman epics became formulated and duplicated. The genera became watered down with less blood, and even worse became feminized. Bulk up Brad Pitt with long blond hair, get the guy from Lord of The Rings and give him a Bow again, throw in a love story and let’s call it Troy. Let’s get that Irish guy Collin who’s hot right now, make him gain 30 pounds of fat, make out with another guy because girls love that and will call this one Alexander. Basically let’s make a guy movie, turn it metro, cater to females and hope for Gladiator like numbers.
Leave it Frank Miller a guy who knows how to write about real men for men to bring one home for the guys. With the help of Zack Snyder, Frank’s award winning, dark graphic novel 300 has been brought to the screen with enough blood and guts to get any red blooded male with a pulse hard. This movie blew me away and could only be described as “dick nasty”.
Sparta is a military state who apparently takes fighting and being a man very seriously. When a child was born he’d get the crap beat out of him till he was about eleven or twelve then sent out into the wilderness with his wits and bare hands to come back “A Spartan” or not come back at all. Leonidas’s (the king) boyhood training was used as a foreshadowing of things to come.
When Leonidas becomes king a Persian messenger of king Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) rides into town with the skulls of conquered kings and demands Leonidas to surrender or face annihilation and slavery. Xerxes has a thing for guys kneeling in front of him… no like a serious kneeling fetish. When Leo’s smoking hot wife with a silly body, Queen Gorgo (Lena Headey) tries to speak up the messenger asks her who she is to talk to a man. She forcefully replies, “only Spartan women give birth to real men”
“Surrender? Bitch Please”
Leo doesn’t take kindly to the messengers request and goes against protocol by “killing the messenger”. Leo’s next move is go bribe the deformed, demon like priests who are in charge of The Oracle, a drugged up Spartan girl. The Oracle does not give Leo the OK to go to war. Furthermore the council led by the corrupt Theron (masterfully played by The Wires Dominic West) refuses to back Leo on his campaign for war.
With no support Leo does what a king descended from Zeus himself must do. He makes steamy sexy time with his hot wife and in the morning him and 299 other Spartans go off towards “The Hot Gates” a narrow passage to face one zillion Persians. No seriously like one zillion. It’s a suicide mission which is obvious when the queen tells Leo to, Return with his shield or on it
What happens next is non stop violence. There was so much blood Tarantino probably got a little green with envy. I’m talking heads and limbs getting chopped off. Spears going through heads, people loosing eyes and getting gutted. Every fight scene was a bloody poetic ballet of violence. You could get knee deep in it. While Leo was letting the bodies hit the floor his wife was on a “support” our troops mission trying to get the council to send more men. Did I mention she was hot.
Now THAT’S A DRESS!!!
This movie had it all. It’s a guy movie that doesn’t make any apologies for the violence. Blood splatters and you will love it for that. Yes, there was obvious homo erotic themes. Yes long winded monologues about honorable death and dying on the battle field. Yes one could point out the parallels between the battle of Thermopylae and what’s going on now in Iraq. Yes, there wasn’t deep character development. But sometimes this is exactly what us guys want. It was primal in every way. It was gully, it was raw, it was hard. But this is a movie that will make you feel like a real man and not apologize for being one.
The first great movie of 07, go see it twice. And get Ready for Sin City 2 coming in 08
NIN nails… Just like you Imagined…..sound familiar?
I knew you were going to have something to say about this…I KNEW it even before I punched in the URL!
Wow, just, wow. What a horrible film. I laughed, I cried, I laughed at the audience laughing and crying…if anything, the best part was watching it in Chinatown in a packed room where everyone was really into it.
The best part for me was when that one persian got his head chopped off in slow mo and the head is shown in a single camera shot spinning in the air and as it turns to the camera it’s kind of grimacing, but also smiling. That got a lot of laughs.
Somewhere, my history teacher that taught me the legend of the Battle of Thermoplyle and then gave me an A for being able to recite the whole story (because that’s what Greek history is really all about … storytelling … therefore, kudos Zack Snyder) is crying.
Kids: Don’t waste your money.
I actually really want to see that. I heard the whole movie was done up on blue screen. Visual masterpiece?!
I’m disappointed it isn’t playing on any of the IMAX screens nearby.
I saw a preview of that and it looks pretty interesting.
When a child was born he’d get the crap beat out of him till he was about eleven or twelve then sent out into the wilderness with his wits and bare hands to come back “A Spartan” or not come back at all.
Now THAT’s the way to raise a kid.
I saw it last night and thought it was pretty awesome. People will bitch and moan about it not being historically accurate, but after watching a Making Of documentary on History Channel, I saw that Frank Miller has already said that he sacrificed parts of history for storytelling purposes and visual effects (i.e. the Spartans not wearing any armor into battle). If you want to bitch about a movie not being historically accurate, look at Braveheart (half the battles either didn’t take place or were fought in different settings) or The Patriot (haha, yeah black people getting paid to work on a plantation in South Carolina in the 1770’s).
It’s not the lack of historical accuracy that concerns me…write a story, make it entertaining, fine…whatever. Just some of the battle scenes were SO, uh, wacky.
I’m so glad you’ve pointed out the fact that so many classical period films made since Gladiator, were made for women or gay men, not hetero men. Don’t get me started on “Troy” with its pretty boys wearing fucking braids in their “long flowing hair” looking like they walked out of a Pantene Pro-V commercial. Then there is the peace of shit gay-fest that is “Alexander”. Fortunately, “300″ changed that. While it wasn’t perfect, I welcomed the genre’s return to manliness. Interestingly, the film echoed Gladiator so much, Leonidas’ words to his son sound a lot like Maximus’ “strength and honor”, where Leo’s is “respect and honor.” I hear there is a sequel in the works already. Let’s hope they don’t fuck it up.
Yeah, like there wasn’t homoeroticism in ancient Greek culture. Why are so many people up in arms against that fact? And why would it spoil a film for you?
Granted, they weren’t all pretty boys…this is true…historical accounts of Leonidas list him as a fat, badly injured old man…not some ripped dude. And Xerxes was a geeky mathematician…and old during the Greek invasion, according to the legend.
I’m not making a social statement or anything, but the fact that the Greeks acted kind of gay sometimes doesn’t make them any less interesting, ya know?
Twoste, the point isn’t historical accuracy. For a film to have entertainment value, it doesn’t matter whether there was homoeroticism in ancient Greece or that Leonidas was a fat dude. Those are academic questions best answered through reading or watching a well researched documentary. For a film to entertain a guy, all it has to do is resonante with what being a man is all about. Bravery, honor, purpose, comraderie, and sacrifice. There was nothing historically accurate about Gladiator, Braveheart, or even 300 but that’s not the point. Don’t you get it?
Twoste,
Of course I’d be feeling this joint, I’m a real man with muscles and a penis. Why are you hating on the over the top fight scenes? That’s like getting granny midget porn and then complaining about how fake the midgets penis implant looks because it’s way too big. I mean you get what you come to expect, just kick back and pass the lube will you?
DC vita,
It’s nice, being it based on Miller’s vision it could only be done on blue screen Sin City Style. You should def go check it out especially if you want something that will keep you awake non stop.
OGS,
What up girl! IMX is a must I could only imagine what that would look like. Let me know if you find one round hrrr
G dog,
one time my mom tried to leave me at Disney World, she was pissed when the cops brought me back to VA.
Johnson,
I actually agree with everything you said. So you’re saying black people didn’t work on plantations for money?? FUCK!!! Movies got me again.
DF,
I feel you on 300 def resonating with guys. The movie had heart. If you’re into stuff like that I hope you’re watch Rome on HBO it’s politically gully like 300 was with the action
Yeah I get it.
But we (men) are brave and honorable?
Huh?
Speak for yourself. I prefer to stab people in the back and cheat on my wife.
I think Richard Roeper summed up 300 the best. He said something along the lines of, “if you thought Gladiator needed better battle scenes and Sin City needed more style, than 300 is for you.” I liked Gladiator but was expecting more battle scenes. Sin City I was kind of lukewarm on b/c I didn’t really go into knowing what to expect and thought it was too cartoony. 300 had just enough over the top violence and looked a lot better on screen.
Twoste said
“But we (men) are brave and honorable? Huh?
Speak for yourself. I prefer to stab people in the back and cheat on my wife.”
Real men are or should be tryinig. Guess you’re not a real man.
No, I’m not. I’m not. I hang my head in shame.
I love your blog and your review of 300. I gave you a shout out on my own blog http://tenderwriter.blogspot.com/2007/03/finally-im-knit-witted.html. Let me know what you think.
Keep the good crap comin’ I totally dig it.
Kim-E