Category: 
There was nothing I could do. This turtle wanted me and she would not let go. Her arms wrapped all around me, her hands caressing, no, mauling every part of me she could grab. What the hell is going on?? I thought to myself, embarrassed. Thank God tall blondie left and won’t see this ridiculousness. I figured I’d see what would happen. Surely she’ll just get bored with me trying not to fall over. She’ll move on. She didn’t.
Trapped, I noticed wingman just chillin, while her friend was dancing by herself. I looked at her friend. She had a sorta cute face, but I was quickly distracted by the widest hips i’d ever seen. Watching her walk through the crowd, it was like an aircraft carrier squeezing through the Panama Canal. “Thunder thighs” doesn’t adequately describe them. More like watching that giant pile driver at a construction site. With each step, loud booms. I felt bad for what I’d say next.
“Hey wingman, can you take care of her friend?” “Yeah no prob.” “I mean if you don’t want to, I understand.” “Nah, it’s cool.”
OK I don’t feel bad anymore. “You smell soooooo goooooood. OMG!!” She grinded as hard as she could on me, and I took advantage. Why not get some fingering action, let her know what i’m about. And she didn’t resist either. “OMG you smell soooooo goooooood!” Blame it on the grey goose. I’d say we made out, but it was more like her mouth attacking mine. It was vicious. She was biting into something delicious. Literally biting. Because I’m literally delicious.
The bar crowd was already getting thinner, and nothing else was coming in. Might as well call this a night, and get with this turtle. Who cares if she was a turtle? With VK’s turtle history, I’d knew he’d approve. “Get that turtle, Rookie! Get it!” As the Rookie, I knew it was my mission.
Outside the club, it was clear her fat friend had other ideas. “We’re going back to my place. Ya’ll can’t come.” Fatty is sayin this and that, while the turtle is begging me to come with her. Duh, I’m already outside, ready to go. It was clear what I had to do. I would fight the fatty for her friend. “Look [fatty], your friend wants me. Why would you disappoint her?” “Well, you can come, but your friend can’t. I’m having another guy come over.”
I really didn’t pay attention to what she said. Instead, I tossed my keys to wingman, who said it was cool. Fatty had another guy coming over? Yeah right. She just didn’t want to say chocolate cake was waiting.
Turtle and fatty get in fatty’s car, and I’m heading for the back seat, when… *click* she locks the door and pulls away. “Wow,” wingman remarks, “rejected by fatties.” We couldn’t help but laugh. It didn’t even matter though, because I’d be seeing tall blondie real soon.
… the finale coming up…
LOL, ha ha ha DAAAAUMMM…. You got, got. I’m just picturing the *click* and the sound of the car screeching off. In the future you should try to peace out earlier when the cock blocker isn’t looking… duh. But on the other hand it sounds to me this was a small win, the regret and self hate in the morning wouldn’t have been worth it…
I’m sure part three will have a WAY better ending
I will never understand the mentality of the “fat friend.” What a miserable existence.
haha, got got indeed
I wish someone took a picture of you after your brain processed the “click” sound.
u gotta watch for the girl so jaded by rejections, that the hint of a guy willing to slip it to her, she has a PTSD flashback and rejects in some penultimate effort to be the rejecter for once…..*sigh*
“Chocolate cake waiting?”
Is that an euphemism for black men?
“Is that an euphemism for black men?”
No, it’s a euphemism for being a fat fucker.
Dude…I would have been so pissed, but like VK says you’d probably have hated yourself the next morning.
Я бы не стал делать столь категоричные выводы. Ну что ж, здесь есть что обсудить. Интересно услышать другие мнения на эту тему.