Comeback Girls prt 2: How to comeback/ weasel back

Besides the, “Hey remember me”, “hope all is well”, three out of the seven girls have also texted, “Do you hate me”. Are you serious? Clearly most girls don’t really understand the art of the weasel back. So instead of making fun and pointing out the obvious, this time I’ll try to give some advice and help out the ladies. Cause I’m nice like that.

“Hey remember me”

If you’ve made it clear you’re not going to let a guy “beat it up” and the guy has made it clear that he’s not going to be some beta who hangs out with you because he has nothing better to do, then the normal thing a guy will do is delete your number. So no, we don’t remember you. Don’t put us in an awkward position of trying to remember who the hell you are by playing some weird guessing game. If you’re the one who faded out or stopped returning calls then your first text should include your name, where you guys first met and when.

Guys: my automatic go to answer to this question is always, “I just got a new phone and don’t have all my contacts”

“Hope all is well”

What is this a Hallmark card over text? This one always comes off slightly as a condescending statement, like after you brushed the guy off and his life went to hell. At the same time though this is also a transition segment into the “what have you been up to text”. This by far is the dumbest part out of the comeback girl play book. No guy is really trying to explain what’s been going on in their lives for the past couple of months. We do understand that this is also the weird way you’re trying to find out if we’re in a relationship, dating someone else or not.

You’ve reached out, we know you’re obviously still interested because you haven’t erased our phone number after months to even a year. Woman up and say something along the lines of, “hey it’s been a while, you want to grab some drinks and catch up”. Don’t waste time testing the waters to see if the sparks are still there over text message.

“Do you hate me”

WTF? This by far is the most perplexing question from comeback girls? To be fair though the ones who’ve sent this text are the ones that things didn’t end so well with. But for a guy to really hate a girl who dated/ banged for a couple of weeks months later after the line went cold would mean the guy still has feeling for the girl or actually cared to begin with. A real man has way too much going on to actually hate a girl who’s number isn’t even in his phone. This statement does nothing but remind a guy that you did do him dirty and might bring up those feelings. More than anything else though the girl comes of looking needy and sad. I wonder how a girl would respond if a guy who pumped and dumped her texted her five months later asking if she hated him.

Some other things comeback girls should know is if a catch up date is established, don’t front. We really don’t believe the “I was really busy with life/ work” excuse. We know and understand that you were playing the field same as us and that’s cool, but we also know it didn’t work out so well for you because you’re back now aren’t you? Another thing is there’s a continuous clause on all come backs. If we had only one date then when we meet up for drinks it’s date two. If our last date was date 2 and we made out and got a hand job then this is date three. If we were beating it up on the reg and you’re the one that stopped returning calls or texts, we are expecting this night to end horizontally. If a guy was willing and trying to bang you a months ago don’t act stupid when you come back and he still wants to bang. What did you think would happen.

My perfect weasel back text is as follows,