Category: 
A few years ago at my old gym Gold’s I had this gym crush. My first “real world” gym crush. A 29 year old divorcee who overcompensated for it by spending most of her free time in the gym. I’m talking five to six days a week cardio and free weights. Once I got to know her and get close to her she was always busy. Heavily involved in planning friends bachelorette parties, weddings, bridal showers, and baby showers. If it wasn’t one of those it was a girlfriends birthday party. On top of all this she was a teacher. Two things amazed me about her. One she was booked solid every weekend for a year. Two she easily had over one hundred best friends. Of course with her busy schedule she didn’t date at all. I summed it up to the divorce / broken heart thing that happen three years earlier.
Over the years I’ve met and dated a lot of the “Ms. Too Busy” types. The kind of girl who works 60 to 75 hour work weeks, goes to the gym, volunteers for multiple organizations, and has 50 best friends who she must hangout with or have girls night out with every weekend. The kind of girl where you ask her out on a date and she has to “check her schedule” if she’s free she’ll “schedule you in”. How does fall of 08 look for you? Then these girls also wonder why their so single later on in life.
Most of the “busy” things in a woman’s life seem reasonable. I mean you’ve got to kill early in your career, establish yourself young incase you want to take time off later for kids or something. Your body better get right and stay tight that’s a must. Volunteering to read to blind old people or counsel sodomized dwarfs is cool also. What I don’t get is the 1 billion friends thing.
If a young career woman in her early 20’s is fun and outgoing she’ll meet people through work and different social circles. Basically her ass and the number of social friends she makes will grow exponentially. The funny thing is that with big groups of friends like this is not every girl will get along but of course they’ll keep hanging out and inviting each other to birthdays so that no one looks like a bitch. Oh yeah, graduate level sorority.
When I meet Ms. Too Busy out and the moment she breaks out that black berry to schedule me in, I already know the score. After the first date it’ll be like pulling teeth to schedule a second date. There’ll be cancelations and rescheduling. You’ll get the whole “this week has been SO busy” line. But their whole life is busy, Sally’s pre pre bachelorette party/ dinner is coming up and someone’s got make sure the 28 double ended 15″ black dildos get ordered in time. So then you just hit them back with the “sure sweetheart get back to me when you’re not SO busy” line. Leave it at that.
Sometimes I feel like these Ms. Too Busy aren’t really trying to date their just trying to find someone who can fit into their social calendar. The lucky schmuck that gets that honor is brought into a predetermined endless weekends of so and so’s birthday party and dinner with this couple, and the promote vegetarianism in Ethiopia spaghetti and meatballs banquet.
Now I’m not putting any woman on blast that has all this going on AND IS HAPPY. But if you’re complaining about it and never free time for yourself and or to REALLY date then something’s gotta give.
I saw my gym crush a couple of months ago. I was with her the night she turned 30 and she didn’t look a day over 23. She still complained about being carded. When I ran into her at a bar right around my house here at the Fax, she was now 31, she looked tired and aged. There were dark spots under her eyes, lines on her face and a hint of grey in her hair. She looked closer to 37. Of course I was looking doe boy fresh to death. I asked her what she’s been up to and she responded with, “you know the same old”. Then listed off upcoming weddings and baby showers she was getting ready for. I smiled and thought to myself “same old indeed”. I don’t think anyone is asking to check her ID anymore, in fact I think their asking if she’d like the senior citizens discount.
The Yeah Yeah Yeah’s, The Sweets
LMAO! That sounds like me! There is alot of truth in what you say too. I think sometimes women like to fill up thier schedule because they are afraid to date (the whole body armor thing you wrote about in your last post). And sometimes your friends are all that you have left, even after all the heartache.
But you raise a good point…one worth thinking about.
My life is really busy but I don’t really have any friends to be going to parties with. I always feel bad when I have to cancell on a guy I said I’d hang out with because still really does come up that I can’t avoid.
Then these girls also wonder why their so single later on in life.
I hate when middle aged/ mid 30s women complain about being single. Maaaybe if you weren’t so obsessed with your job and frenamies you’d have found someone by now. Sheesh.
Oh, cupcake. Don’t you know what “I’m too busy” means?
It means they’re too busy . . . for you. They just leave off the “for you” part. Trust me: If the panties were melting they would have MADE the time. Right or wrong they would have cancelled or postponed their other plans to be with you, because that’s how women act when they’re hot for a guy (and vice versa; men do it too. When men are after Ms. Maybe their buddies take a back seat, even if its only temporary).
That said, although you think you WANT a woman who’s always available to you, you’ll feel suffocated and bored the day that you get her and her incessant phone calls. Careful what you wish for. These women might be pulling out their planners to reassure you that they’re not “clingy.”
Bottom line is that sometimes a woman just doesn’t want to date, PERIOD, and hot as you might be she’s just not into it. Other things are more important to her right now. Women are expected to want to settle down with a guy so they make the right noises (”Oh I just haven’t found anyone special yet, where are all the men, WAH WAH WAH”) but they either don’t mean it or they’re conflicted about whether or not they even WANT a man underfoot. Perfectly fine men are EVERYWHERE and ready to jump, so this “there are no good men, wah” bullshit is annoying. These women need to drum up the courage to say, ” You’re cute but I am just not in the mood to be dating right now.”
And guys need to learn how not to take it personally.
I’m a busy girl - One full-time, and I usually have at least one part-time gig on the side. I have close friends in the area, and I can’t always manage to consolidate friend “groups” so that I can see everyone in a single evening.
That said, I don’t think I’ve ever had that much of a problem spending quality time with someone I was really into. Especially if I got that vibe back from him. If I find I’m overscheduling myself, it’s because I need an excuse, which means I don’t need to be dating that guy.
I’ve run into a few of these girls myself. I don’t have the patience for it. There’s 3 billion women on this planet, and I’d rather find one who has time available.
DCV,
ha ha ha your initials sound like an STD, but anyway. This sounds like you??? NO WAY get out ha. I think a lot of women do it but don’t realize their doing it till it’s too late. It’s a weird cycle but then it’s about figuring out what your really want and going for it. Maybe I should take my own advice.
Gen,
you see the warning signs, you’re young now so don’t let it happen to you. Don’t become Ms. Too busy. ha ha ha you said frenamies, Ima steal that one.
Hed,
Now now girl, “you must not know about me”. Obviously I realize that a girl might not want to date me or want a relationship. And if you ever hang out with my boys and I we’re the last guys on the planet to take anything a woman does seriously.
The whole reassure me their not clingy move is too overcalculating. Just be yourself and the true you will shine through. Why do people have to make dating so fucking complicated?
But the main point which you might have missed is that women who are too busy to date should not be complaining when they find themselves single later. Plus being too busy makes you look old… duh,
DagnyT.
you seem like a women in balance. That’s key and hot. Keep it up
LMnT,
Are you sure? because the promote vegetarianism in Ethiopia dinner sounds like ti would be a blast. Available is the key word of the day.
Speaking from experience, I can say that a lot of women fill up their schedules because they like to have reliable engagements that provide a pleasurable social outlet. Sadly, a lot of single men aren’t particularly reliable, and commiting to fun activities with girlfriends is often a lot more appealing that waiting for some guy who may or may not call to hang out. It’s not that we don’t *want* to date, it’s that guys often miss their opportunities to hang out with us being being too non-commital and nonchallant about hanging out.
(That’s where “playing it cool” can bite you in the ass).
Besides, men come and go but your relationships with your friends are what lasts. Many of us recognize this and chose to nurture the relationships in our lives that are more reliable and enduring.
There are times when a woman will shuffle her schedule around to accomodate a man, but it’s usually when she senses that he’s the real deal–not playing mind games, sincerely interested in getting to know her, not aiming for just another “notch.” Otherwise, why bother. I’d certainly rather have drinks with girlfriends than go on a date with some guy who might not call ever again.
This isn’t to say that you’re commiting any of this sins by the way. I’m sure your intentions are perfectly pure.
Hedonistic doesn’t know what she is talking about. There is a breed of women who just can’t seem to sit still with nothing to do. They are scared to death with being bored because they think a busy schedule=having a life. Their life is centered around parties instead of thought or meaning.
I don’t understand those women. I can’t have too much going on my life at once. I need my down time. I’d rather sit at home alone with a book then go out and socialize with a group of women I have to pretend to like.
Roosh you may be right: As a single parent in night school my own “busy” has nothing to do with parties or being seen. I AM SERIOUS BUSY. I am often home and alone on Saturday nights and grateful for the breathing room. When I’m on the “party train” I only want to get off.
That said, when it comes to my social life (such as it is) I too would rather party with girlfriends than endure another going-nowhere liaison with Random Dude #Whatever.
Unless it promises a crazy story. Then sign me up.
Thank you for mentioning the plight of sodomized dwarves everywhere. I counsel them and this epidemic needs all the publicity it can get. Also, the PC term is “sodomized little person.” You probably didn’t know that so I’m going to give you a free pass this time.
Hedonistic is right, on both counts.
Hey Pretty,
ha ha ha nice subliminal jab there at the end. Nothing wrong with hanging out with reliable friends and not waiting around for a guy to call and make plans. It’s when the guy does call to make plans and you’re too busy to actually hangout. How can you sense the real deal when you don’t have enough time to spend and find out?
Roosh’s comment is on point
Roosh,
“Their life is centered around parties instead of thought and meaning”
I owe you a beer
MM,
Who does understand those women? I’d rather bang women I pretend to like
The hed,
It’s all about what’s important to you at the moment. Now let’s just make out and get it over with
I was actually trying to be nice. I suppose my track record for sarcasm doesn’t translate particularly well to sincerity online.
How do you know if a guy is the real-deal? Well, making contact with you either by phone or email to make concrete plans to hang out is a good start. And doing so in a regular manner goes a long way, rather than sporadic, once a month contact. Women don’t like feeling as if they’re being strung along.
[…] A certain emporer posted about women who don’t make time for their dating lives. What about women who don’t make time for themselves? If women who don’t give themselves time to date end up alone, what happens to anyone who doesn’t give herself time to just… be? […]