Category: 
Sure every time I put up a picture of Christina Hendricks on this blog guys come out of the woodwork talking about how hot she is and her beautiful curves. 90% of males would hit, no problem. Don’t even get it twisted home girl is thicker than a snicker and I would sure as hell put some hot sauce in between her toes. But here’s the thing… would you wife it? Now watch as the number drops from 90% to 40% who would spend the rest of their lives with all those curves. Count me out along with the other 50 that jumped ship.
This is a problem that I think a lot of guys deal with and I’ve been finding myself in this frame of mind for a while now. Sure it’s fun to bang and date the curvy girl. I mean whith all the tiggs, those hips, who could turn down giving her a “Gonzo’s Nose”. Hot curvy girls for guys are what bad boys are for girls. But something happens when you mention the words “settle down”. It’s like the depreciation accountant in us guys come out. How much cellulite does she have now, how much will she have in ten years? Does she have the wobbly back arm fat thing yet (aka the pork chops)? How much more weight do you think she’ll gain in the next five to ten years? Is her mom slim or in respectable shape? How hard does she have to work to look as good as she does now?
(Thicker than a snicker)
This all depends on the man of course and his tastes. If you’re a fat out of shape dude you really have no room to ever complain. If you’re in reasonable shape to excellent then the range changes as well. I have some friends who’ve stopped seeing women because they were a couple of pounds over and by a couple I really mean two. I can see it in their eyes when I ask how things with so and so are going.
“It’s aight… well she’s a little thicker than I like”
In two weeks and a couple more bangs it’s over. Now the thing is these chicks didn’t “gain” more weight since the first time the guys saw them. What happened was before the guys saw them naked he just wanted to bang; he wasn’t thinking long term prospects. No MAN EVER THINKS OF A WOMAN AS A LONG TERM PROSPECT BEFORE HE SEES HER NAKED!!!!! After that though he reevaluates the situation. A girl can tell in minutes if she wants to sleep with a guy or not a guy can tell in seconds of seeing a girl naked if he wants to spend the rest of his life with her or not. In my friends situation it’s not that she’s fat or overweight right now it’s fear of the “Future Fat”, the fact that all signs point to “watch out of the big girl” if this is her at her peak at 25 and not working out whatsoever. Another way to look at it is how long will she keep her figure from the first day you meet her?
(I was once a ballerina)
With me, I know myself more and more. I know that physically I’m instantly attracted to tall girls with curves. I also know that if I stay with her and she rounds out over the years as I stay in shape, I’ll quickly come to secretly resent her and see her depreciating ass-et as purposeful attack on my manly desires to bang. That’s around the time when Isabella the Puerto Rican house keeper’s ass will start looking good when she bends over loading the dryer.
The truth is most guys are just scared and trying to hedge their bets and convince themselves that when they get into a long term relationship, they’re not selling themselves short. They’re trying to insure their happiness in the future. The truth is nothing is guaranteed in this life. I could marry a skinny chick who comes form a long line of skinny women then the next day get hit by a car and be paralyzed from the neck down making my monster 3 inch dong useless to please my new wife. If that were to happen I hope she’d put me out of my misery by sitting on my face. What better way to leave this world than Victoria Secret and the smell of sweet sweet butt cheeks on my face.
I’m just lucky women aren’t as physically picky as guys. At this rate I’m going to have start dating sleepy headed Asians on pro-ana websites. Konichiwa, I have an unopened bottle ipecac on ice.
(I’ve had FOUR kids… what’s your excuse )
I hate to burst your bubble, but more often than not it’s the skinny girls who gain massive amounts of weight later on. The ones who were a little curvy to begin with will remain the same. But if you really want a skinny girl, look for the naturally athletic or naturally small girls who stay the same no matter what they eat, not the ones who obsess over every bite.
jo, everyone is getting so fat nowadays that I am starting to think that the only sure bets are those girls that have taken an active interest in remaining fit when they were young.
I am not talking about eating salads, but doing squats.
vk, interesting note about curvy girls = bad boys. One difference though is that many girls love the idea of turning a bad boy into a good husband whereas, like you said, guys are just looking to hit it and quit it with the curvy girls.
Skinny girls may or may not gain weight, but curvy girls already have the weight, and it’s going to migrate into bad places (saggy boobs, ass-bottom cellulite, stomach rolls). I would put money against a curvy girl losing weight as she gets older every time– especially if kids are involved in the equation. If I’m gonna settle, I’ll roll the dice with the skinny girl, especially if her parents are skinny.
Guys have the same problem, if you’re a body builder and are not extremely dedicated (or don’t “Debulk” strategically), it can migrate to fat in a hurry. But of course as we have beaten to death on this blog, Roissy’s and Roosh’s, men are visually stimulated, women are emotionally/power stimulated, so men have more slack to let things go physically. It’s unfair, but so is genocide in third world countries no one cares about.
VK — I read your blog occasionally and you have the funniest blog out there.
A couple points:
Women are absolutely as physically picky as guys, if not more. A fat girl is like a short guy. 90% of women will dismiss a shorter guy out of hand.
If you hear a dude say “I’d go for her except she’s too fat”, he’d be scolded for being an asshole. If a woman says, “I’d go for him except he’s too short,” no one blinks an eye.
Second, I’ve never heard the term sleepyhead for Asians — is that like tar baby for blacks?
Jo,
Damn girl, why you gotta burst my bubble like that?
I would argue that it depends on what age the skinny girl is. If she’s skinny at 18 or 20 yes she might gain more weight but if she’s skinny around 30 or so when her metabolism is slower, one wouldn’t see her gaining that much more weight over the years or at least nothing too dramatic
Usually Lurking
Speak for yourself, I secretly dream about turning fat girls into skinny girls like a home improvement project…. wait what?
GJ
ah migrate was the word I was looking for! But if the curvy girl is killing it at the gym and working out already to stay firm yet curvy, VK would put money and skeet on that. True story
Simon
Having the funniest blog is always good for some laughs.
I think if guys dislike a girl because of weight the girl could lose the weight. If a girl hates on a guy because of height, dude is fucked cause he’s not having a growth spurt anytime soon. But then again one man or woman’s trash is anothers….
Is that like tar baby for blacks? I.Don’t. Think.So??? I’ll look into that and get right back atcha
Brooke Burke has actually had four kids, isn’t that insane?!
I was there w/you once w/the whole ‘future fat’. However, I found a new level of discrimination. I’m to the point that I look at a woman and evaluate our possible progeny. If it’s not a 100% hell yeah, I’m not interested.
Future Fat is something I often find myself wondering about early on in a relationship. Nothing is more terrifying to me than heavily investing in a future fatty.
I’d wife it. And I’m usually a fatophobe, but her weight distribution, hip-to-waist ratio is just right in my eyes. The tiggs balance the hips and the whole nine. It’s only when all the fat is on the bottom like Alicia Keys or Beyonce I get skeptical.
Also, I agree with Jo. Not all skinny girls are created equal. If a chick is naturally skinny without having to be diet-obsessed fine. But some have the appetite of a fattie and may exercise and starve themselves like crazy but are always craving food. With age and less exercise, the inner fattie eventually ends up winning and they give in to the slob they always wanted to be and end up packing on pounds later. Some other chicks are a little curvier but don’t really change much with age because they’ve had same eating habits throughout life, never went from one extreme to another.
Look for the woman with a mean competitive streak, and an iron will; that’s what it takes.
Call me Dido, cos I’d go down with that ship.
Hendricks? are you kidding? hell yeah. hell, half the dime pieces starve themselves to look good. so once you hit that marriage streak, her diet goes to shit: she doesn’t have to trophy herself anymore. Hendricks, I’m betting, wont’ get any fatter, or skinier, over the course of her life.
women don’t even look like hendricks anymore. women today look either like apples or toothpicks. dime pieces excepted. and plenty 8/9’s have lacking the ass or the breastesses.
The only way to improve upon hendricks is with Dita Von Teese. you know this to be true. portions only slightly smaller.
Vk, a girl witout a curve is pretty much a guy.
one more thing: if you think a woman’s looks and body don’t depreciate over time, then I recommend you rethink marriage altogether. It comes with the package. And there’s no way to escape it unless you’re a bachelor for life (which isnt’ necessarly a bad option). heck, having a single child alone puts her at risk of never gaining her original body back. Burke isn’t like most women: her job is to look good. most women don’t have the luxury of time or money. nor do most guys (which is why, i think, the chiselled body has such high value; market scarcity and admiration for the appreciation in value)
XQB,
FOUR!!! Fuck I forgot about the twins. I think it should count as one birth though… but regardless. hot damn the perfect woman is just that much more perfect
Ichigo,
Progeny?!? Why you make me gotta pull up the dictionary. But at the same time I think you’re “progeny” is a subliminal part of my “future fat” coming from a kid who had two athletes for parents
Omega
It’s a crap shoot son, that’s why. Will she stay, will she gain a lot or maybe a little
T
I’d say no girl is equal. But damn you almost blew the whistle on my post coming up next week when you brought up “inner fattie” Again though if she’s a secret fatty at 21 that’s easy but to starve yourself till 28, 30!!! A girl with that much will power to starve half her life can easily use that to overcompensate at the gym. Starving can only work for so long. Either she does it to death or the older and harder it gets she switches and over exercises
Steve…
Ewww I only go down on dimes and Russians
J.D
“A girl without a curve is pretty much a guy”
Who you talking to son! I’ve been on more curves than a motorcycle racer.
The issue isn’t depreciation it’s the rate of depreciation as humans we all get old and depreciate at time. Now do you want a girl that might gain 15 to 20 in ten years… normal or a girl who’s going to gain 15 pounds right after she says, “I Do” and you cut the cake?
dude, i don’t want her to gain any pounds at all. i think women like hendricks put just enough maintenence into thier diets and bodies to keep it at that level. thier low weight is not ‘inflated’ because of a total caloric defecit bordering on starvation. the one’s who slingshot themselves to fat quicker and more noticably are the skinny ones.
put it this way, hendricks bodyweight will only fluctuate a few pounds plus or minus. so there is little expectation that you’re going to get something different.
but if you pick a skinny chick…she can only get fatter, and as noted above, probably will. what you expected was a girl who would be thin all of her life. what you got was one who got fatter after marriage.
the difference in expectation is so much more significant with the skinny chick getting fatter that with her increased size comes the likelihood you’re going to start back at the bars and the gyms nailing the skinny chicks once again. and then the question is, why the hell did I get married in the first place?
i garuantee you that if those girls on The Girls Next Door started putting pounds on, Heff would next them quick. because there is an expectation that they’ll keep thier body that way.
J.D
Dude you’re a little all over the place with your argument. First yo point out that women’s looks and body depreciate over time then you don’ t want Hendricks to gain any weight at all. I don’t want any girl to gain any weight at all either but it happens. Again the skinny ones that don’t work out and starve slingshot. We’ve been over that already. The ones that are skinny and work out and live a healthy lifestyle don’t slingshot either. You keep telling yourself that Hendricks body won’t fluctuate at all if you want, I’m not as ready to take that bet but some guys are and that’s cool it depends on the guy.
You can’t just lump all skinny girls together or all fat girls. A lot goes into this like race. A skinny white girl and a skinny Asian are completely different on weight gain hence I used an Asian in my post because they almost NEVER gain weight through their whole life even after having 10 kids.
Finally you can’t sit there and say Brooke Burke isn’t like most women because it’s her job to look good and she has the luxury of time or money. But then PLAYBOY MODELS can be used to argue anything. Girls who get pose naked for a living, live in a mansion with the best chefs in the world and probably has a gym to rival any Gold’s on the planet and it probably comes with a personal trainer.
i didn’t have to time to read the whole thing right now, but the captions were hilarious….the type of things you’d see under their name on maury or ricki lake
I would argue that it depends on what age the skinny girl is. If she’s skinny at 18 or 20 yes she might gain more weight but if she’s skinny around 30 or so when her metabolism is slower, one wouldn’t see her gaining that much more weight over the years or at least nothing too dramatic
It works a little differently with men. A lot of guys can make it to 30 or 35, sometimes even 40, in pretty decent shape and then they start to pork up something wicked. So women actually have a more difficult time in choosing a spouse who won’t get fat.
Ewww I only go down on dimes and Russians
Ahhh, nicely played. Why did I know you’d take it there?
Brooke is hiding her abdomen.
I’m back on petite. I’m thin, in shape. There is zero reason i’d take on a fat girl who can’t stop feeding herself
PS. And i don’t care how great her personality is. Let her date a short guy
It’s called “P-Squared”…
Potential to Pork